In our marriage, Kevin and I have encountered many seasons of waiting. Waiting for a job, waiting for Reagan, waiting for the Lord to give Kevin a vision for his work. The Lord has been so faithful to guide us and show us where to go with each of these.
So, once again, we find ourselves in a period of waiting.
We are hoping to move out of the condo we live in and move into a house this fall. I drove through our "dream" neighborhood two weeks ago and stopped by a home I'd been watching on the online listing (for sale). With the Lord's favor, the owner was outside - even though he doesn't live there. I got out of my car and asked if he'd be at all interested in renting. "Why yes, actually. We were just talking about that this week." He said.
Since then, we've seen the home and received updates from the realtor about their decision to rent. So far, they are still considering it, but they could still choose not to or someone could buy it. We just don't know. We hope to hear within the next few days.
But in this and all things, may the Lord be glorified.
In my waiting, I keep going back to Exodus 33:12-21. The scene is Moses on top of Mount Sinai. He's already been up there once to get the ten commandments, but he broke them because he was so mad that the people of Isreal were worshipping idols (the golden calf etc).
So, he's back up, on top of the mountain. And he's talking with the Lord. He's asks the Lord "please show me your ways, that I may know you in order to find favor in your sight." The Lord is so gracious and replies, "My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."
But that's not all. Moses seems frustrated with the Lord - he wants more. He says "please show me your glory." Or "show me yourself/ your essense/ show me who you are." And God is so loving and doesn't give Moses exactly what he asks for because it would kill him, but instead replies "I will make all my goodness pass before you and will proclaim before you my name 'The LORD.' And I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and will show mercy on whom I will show mercy. ...Behold, there is a place by me where you shall stand on the rock, and while my glory passes by I will put you in a cleft of the rock, and I will cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Then I will take away my hand, and you shall see my back, but my face shall not be seen."
I keep meditating on this. God's glory. Who God is. God's ability to be gracious and merciful to whom he chooses. I don't deserve this grace and mercy. No. I deserve death. I deserve the worst because my heart is unloving and I am selfish and have put so many things in front of God - especially my own desires.
So, in my waiting, I remember that God is gracious to whom He is gracious and He is has mercy on whom he has mercy. And if he chooses to bless us in a different way, then He is still worthy of all my praise and all of myself. But, I can ask Him to be glorified in my life - either through making the impossible possible. Or through closing this door so that we can go through another one.
In His strength.
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