We've had some interesting discussions with our Pre-kid friends about our new life as parents and it got me thinking about the assumptions that Kevin and I had about parenting BR (before Reagan).
For instance, I like to imagine that there is a "right" way and a "wrong" way to interact with a child. But, the trouble is, there is a wide range of things that are considered "right" depending on who you ask. Which is what makes being a parent and getting to know this little person so much fun.
Take crying for example. Do you let your child cry? For how long? How do you know? Whether you let your child 'cry it out' or go to him or her immediately there are multiple assumptions that you are making about the way that child is communicating. If you go to the child, you might think she's wet, hungry, hurt, scared etc. If you don't go to the child you may assume she's cranky, well-fed, needs to work through it and will calm herself down on her own, is trying to manipulate, is sleep-crying (weird, but Reagan did this). The variables are deep and wide: parental tolerance, the child's demeanor, recent changes in diet, growth spurts, teething, shots, new environment (or same environment) etc.all play into which decision you will make.
Perhaps you draw a hard line: i.e. I do not let my child cry or he or she needs to figure it out at some point and now is just as good a time as any.
We have tried to take the middle road. If Reagan has woken up 30 minutes into what is usually an hour long nap, I will wait to go into her and see if she goes back to sleep. Sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn't and I get her up. There's no formula that works every time for her. But, I'm not the same each day either. Some nights I sleep great, other nights I wake up and read for HOURS not able to fall back to sleep. Environment, food, activity, stimulus all have an effect on how I feel, so I assume that it will be the same for Reagan and that works for us.
Additionally, I am fascinated by an infant's instinct to cry at all. How else would I know when she is hungry, tired or hurt? That is the most effective way she has of communicating with me. Pretty cool.
Finally, I believe that my job is to teach Reagan how to "return to joy." Meaning that if she scrapes her knee and comes running to me, I will help her work through her fear or pain and show her the way to be okay again. Eventually, she won't need me to show her the way. She will have the tools to get there on her own.
Okay, maybe it's idealistic. And, I will certainly never say I'm NEVER going to implement 'cry it out' or embrace the 'no cry' philosophy. We are going to take it one day (and one baby) at a time.
Think about your assumptions.
I love these new photos! They are beautiful!
Posted by: Juliette Hilliard | January 24, 2010 at 09:59 PM
Good Common Sense Parenting...Love the photos also. Missing you all. Love, Grandma Cherrick
Posted by: Scherry Cherrick | January 25, 2010 at 08:19 PM